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A Formula for Love

By GuruPrem Singh Khalsa

We don’t create love, make love, or fall in love. We participate in love. Love is a way we experience truth.

When we act in love, we grow and change and add to the beauty of the world and our lives. When we learn to do things with love, we merge with that love. The wisdom to “obey, serve, love, and excel” gives us a formula to experience our excellence. Formulas, like road maps, provide a surety that we can get there from here. All you need do is follow the formula.

Love is free. Trust is earned. As a parent I try to protect and cover my children by having them live within the rules and structure of the household. If the rules are broken, it violates trust. They might complain that you don’t love them when receiving the consequences of breaking rules. I tell my kids, “My love has not changed. Your behavior needs to be adjusted. The rules of our house make this home a safe haven, full of love. Follow the rules, earn trust.

Yogi Bhajan says, “Love is the experience of selflessness within ones self.” Live for more than your own selfish feelings. Live for others, serve, and you will experience love! You will feel and be excellent.” 

In a relationship, we don’t actually love the other person; we love our own fulfillment. Most people think they are in love if they have a comfortable, though dualistic, relationship with another person. This “love” often means simply enjoying the feeling of being with or thinking about another person. It’s true that just thinking about someone can create the feeling we call love. But feelings change. In fact, love can change to resentment, anger, and even hate because what we call love is based on duality. Most relationships are based in this “love,” which differs greatly from a love that grows in a committed relationship. Committed love keeps expanding and growing in the infinite and limitless identity of the formless creator, God.

What I am trying to describe is a holy covenant based on the trinity of two bodies and one soul, all living in the grace of Guru’s guidance. The goal of a spiritual marriage is to become two bodies and one soul. As we learn to live for another human, as a husband or wife, we reshape our consciousness. Marriage is the yoga of family life, the grist ashram. The Gurbani word grist has the same root as the English word grist, as in ‘mill.’ Marriage grinds and refines the ego so that we can live in the infinite flow of life and love, merged in one another.  

Remember that Guru is defined as “the One who moves us from darkness to light.” With the Guru’s guidance, we can synergize relationships and bring light to the heart of those who participate with us in love, merge with us in love, and, by our sides, know fulfillment because of love. 

Marriage is also a metaphor for our relationship to our Guru. Our souls are brides longing for our husband, the Infinite God. My Guru, the Siri Guru Granth Sahib models the kind of love we can experience in the world and in our relationships, through service. By the grace of God and Guru and the gratitude that it imbues in the heart, we serve humanity selflessly and, in this way, come to know true love. We can experience love when we become capable of sacrifice. The word sacrifice means “to make sacred.” We offer our bodies, our time, and our energy as a sacrifice. We strive to love selflessly, we are fulfilled, and this fulfillment is the gift of love.

 Guru Prem Singh Khalsa was named 'Posture Master' by Yogi Bhajan. He is a Master Yogi and he has been practicing and teaching Yoga for over 30 years. He is certified K.R.I. Kundalini Yoga teacher trainer and an advanced Kundalini and Ashtanga Yoga practitioner. An expert on body awareness in relation to personal growth, he travels all over the world teaching the tools and rules of Divine Alignment and having your Heart Rule. 

GuruPrem has had an active practice at the World famous Khalsa Medical Clinic in Beverly Hills as a structural, breath, and Yogic and Massage Therapist for over 28 years. He understands the body, and can read its patterns of tension and breathing.

The author of three books, The Heart Rules, Divine Alignment and the new Everyday Devotion, GuruPrem is also a musician, producer and composer. He has produced and arranged more than twelve albums of Mantra music, Chanting, Kirtan, Gurbani and Spiritual Songs including the new Suite: Kirtan Sohila, The Heart Rules, Tantric Har, Aquarian Sadhana, The Therapy Series with Nirinjan, and more.